I was in conversation with a dear friend recently about something I was struggling with, and at some point she became worried that she wasn't being helpful. She was angry about something someone had done to me. I wasn't particularly angry. And she was worried that because she was having an anger response, she wasn't mirroring or validating me accurately enough. Maybe she was putting something onto my experience that wasn't there. Maybe she wasn't validating where I actually w

When a client comes in, they often don't only need you to understand their uncertainty. They bring you into uncertainty. Then, at some level they ask: What do you do when you face uncertainty? They don't only tell you about feeling helpless. You become helpless also. Then, at some level ask, What do you do with your own helplessness? Your client hands you the same predicament they are struggling with. And asks, without words, and watches without knowing: how do you live that

I saw a very popular article recently about all the ways we self-abandon in relationships. Where did you ignore your gut feelings? Or Ignore the red flags? Where did you tolerate disrespect? Where did you coach them instead of setting a boundary? Where are they not doing their work? Where did you accept less than you deserve? The problem is, however, that this is still self-abandonment, just now with greater psychological precision and vocabulary. …notice where the center of